Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
