apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
