It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's blow job season.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
