So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You were trust falling into bushes
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
