absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
