all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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