Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
