I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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