i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
