Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
