My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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