a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
