Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
