I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
