the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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