just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
