her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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