He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize