Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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