You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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