I got chris browned last night
My cat gives me a boner
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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