i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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