how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
