he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you inspire me to be a worse person
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
