the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
