We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We are all done wearing pants today
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
