I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
