Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
