She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
