I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
