I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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