Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
