You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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