ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
