why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
