So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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