I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize