just come out here and I will go home with you...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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