He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
