Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
