Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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