The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
