idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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