Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
