That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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