she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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