I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
