I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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