I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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