Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
tell me about the eggs
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