You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
