dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Come share oat with me in your robe
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
