I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
