apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
