There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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