so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize