i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
