It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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