I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
