so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
