I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
