Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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