Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
