So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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